Funny enough, I think that we unknowingly begin the journey towards authenticity inflated with a naive assumption that a moment of instant courage permanently overthrows one’s limitating beliefs once and for all. I didn’t know that self doubt is a stubborn opponent, always lingering closely behind every missed step as we endeavor to express greater purpose and fulfillment. Indeed, we will REPEATEDLY pass through unexpected landscapes of uncertainty to accumulate enough distance between our old mental captivity. Like a fleeing hostage who is powered with fierce intention but periodically looks back in fear to gauge safety; bravery does not preclude occasionally questioning ourselves. As you pursue the truest and most valuable vision of your life, your enthusiasm may be tested as the reality of abandoning familiar patterns and choices takes hold. It’s akin to the sense of transient loneliness that gradually hits a person settling into a foreign city after the initial thrill of sight seeing passes. Take heed not to assault your wounded pride during these occasions of emotional limbo because you are only traveling through insecurity. Expect periodic melancholy as you are returning home to your true self as the sun expects to surrender the sky at dusk with confidence that it will always rise and shine again. Anticipating this forecast of rainy days as we share our light gives us the grace to trust our capacity to evolve through such circumstances.
We are peeling off layers of limitations that took years to weave and its during the ebb of our expansion that we get to pour more love into the remaining holes in our heart. When I find myself pondering whether I am big enough to fill the size of my of unfolding purpose, I remind myself that the destination is simply to be the fullest expression of myself, therefore I have nothing to lose in being as I am during any low moment in time. We must listen to the imaginings of our self doubt as a loving parent would console a whimpering child and reassure our qualms with a promise to love and accept ourselves under each grim prospect. Remaining emotionally supportive of ourselves during doubts allows us to recognize that we are not our fears. This has a surprising effect of easing the tension in our minds. Perhaps, self doubt is simply our creative potential seeking reassurance that we are no longer playing favorites with our dignity and a graceful resolve empowers us to put everything on the line. Through self love, we emerge from doubt with greater commitment to our potential, an awareness that grounds us as we ride subsequent waves of insecurity.
When we finally discover that there’s no rush to this journey of being ourselves, then we recover from doubtful moments loaded with the type of anticipation that rushes over a person standing in their brand new empty home. We now get to choose which thoughts are allowed to linger in our minds as we would carefully decide how to transform a bare house into a cozy home. So when in doubt, I weigh each decision and objective by how it accommodates my sense of internal freedom for I did not heal old expectations only to be bound by more refined ones. Rather, let’s be patient in shaping the vision of the future once we rise from momentary uncertainty to ensure that the victory we crave truly liberates our soul and growth. If you are currently caught in a moment of such insecurity, wondering how the same old fears keep finding a way back to you, do not overlook the worries in your heart. As you wouldn’t ignore a dear friend whom you knew was hurting, sit besides your shaky pride and reassure yourself that you okay and have been here before. Dissolve every version of perceived judgement with a gentle reminder that soul is only longing to feel loved by you. Be a hero to that old version of yourself that you are rescuing from grips of fear and then do your future self a favor of being brave enough today to pull yourself up to keep moving forward in a way that feels truthful to who you are. For someday you will see the beauty in this moment, why not look for it today.