Lessons from vulnerability and rock bottom.

If you’ve been lucky enough to experience life thus far without undergoing the preverbal rock bottom occasion then you’re also probably living fairly honest with yourself. That’s because I believe that rock bottom is often the inevitable fallout of unsustainable inauthenticity. Having experienced a few these occasions (sometimes eras) , I recall that these were the occasions where I didn’t recognize my life as mine. It always felt as though I had been teleported into the bleak circumstances that were my new reality. After a prolonged series of self betraying choices, one final outcome suddenly ushers one into a new threshold of despair like a twist of the knife. Rock bottom events highlight the ideals that undermined loving ourselves by making the sudden absence of those factors incredibly painful. We become cornered into making one of two choices, surrender to our desperate desire to feel worthy despite our circumstances or painfully keep up appearances by picking up our broken expectations where we left us and try to revive them back to reality.

The first time I felt emotionally displaced in my life was settling into the lonely weight of becoming a single mother at age twenty one. I had suddenly gone from “full of potential” practically being my middle name to feeling relegated to the hypothetical rejects table watching the ‘important’ people mingle at the party. With every unsolicited opinion about the tremendous adversity awaiting me, I sensed potential was leaking out of me like air in a punctured tire. There was a looming fear and uncertainty about fulfilling the great hopes that I had for my future. And there was the loniless of socially braving the path of single parenting without others who understood your reality. Unfortunately, I didn’t choose to acquiesce my vulnerability and accept myself as good enough regardless of the presiding social perceptions. I didn’t forgive whatever mistakes I internalized but held myself to a new and higher standard of perfection to prove my worth. Being extremely hard on myself amidst my underlying perceived judgement from others created a perfect storm of disconnection and isolation. Finally becoming comfortable with vulnerability through self compassion has enabled me to heal my attachment to self limiting expectations and embrace greater authenticity and inspiration.

Our desire to be happy is the strongest when we feel vulnerable, therefore these are the true opportunities to love ourselves. Vulnerability symbolizes our strong human desire to be our true loving selves when we fear that it may not be safe to do so. While joy is the medium of inspiration, we must confront vulnerability to learn the lessons necessary to overcome subconscious limitations that undermine expressing our optimal creative potential. Therefore, having a greater affinity to appeasing our unmet expectations sabotages our longing to feel worthy amidst imperfection and reinforces the self limiting perceptions that perpetuate being inauthentic . We cannot genuinely transcend and grow beyond the undesirable circumstances that elicit vulnerability without meeting our emotional needs during these occasions. Thus, feeling stuck in life typically results from avoiding vulnerability and subsequently not knowing how make different choices that generate a more favorable outcomes. We only feel lost in life when we are running from confronting the vulnerability of what we need from ourselves to feel worthy. As I ran to unhealthy relationships or shopping addiction to avoid releasing the perfectionist expectations that I clung to with my life, I lost a true vision of who I was. Self compassion honors our innate desire to feel good enough even when circumstances would lead us to believe otherwise. Practicing self compassion now enables me to detach my worth from external circumstances so I can feel safe within my own opinion. Not having this skill fourteen years ago led to trying to white knuckle life and subsequently being reluctant to expand my comfort zone. Living in a constant survival mode emotionally robs us of the ability to foster the passion and inspiration necessary to express greater creative potential that is always within us.

I have been blessed to discover the value of self compassion not only for my own healing but to share with all those seeking freedom from the lonely grips of inauthenticity. The vulnerability within rock bottom occasions can make it hard to believe in our own good loving nature unless we finally release the expectations that rendered us inauthentic. After years of internally fighting myself, the rock bottom moment that finally inspired me to reclaim my authentic nature was my escalating anger towards others. In a seemingly innocent moment of frustration, my justified retaliation made it impossible to continue endorsing my innate belief of being a compassionate person. It took self compassion not to hide my true desire for inner peace with an angry response. Don’t wait until a rock bottom moment to acknowledge how far your life may have steered from who you feel you are on the inside. If you are in the Edmonton, Canada area and want to explore how self compassion can strengthen your self confidence then join me for my first Self Compassion workshop on Sunday November 26, 2017 with a special launch price of $10. Click the link https://www.facebook.com/events/870819843099363/?ti=icl to RSVP as space is limited.

Nurturing the faith of a mustard seed.

I recently watched a video segment where Oprah attributed her tremendous conviction in herself to religious teachings such as the biblical verse where Jesus commands that if one had as little faith as a mustard seed they could uproot the tree. Oprah asserted that we don’t get what we ‘want’ in life but manifest what we feel we deserve through our own believe of ourselves. She added that one must internalize joy, fulfillment, peace, happiness, success, comfort and abundance as part of their birth right in order to manifest those ideals into their life circumstances. I always  pondered why Jesus chose the minuscule mustard seed to correlate the unwavering courage necessary to nurture faith. Our fifteen month old Fraya reminds me that very young children only behave as though the ideals described by Oprah are their birthright while adults demand a reason to feel joy. Extrapolating from the importance of authenticity in discovering the inspiration for greater purpose and the truth of humanity being created in the likeness of God offers a new awareness about this metaphor.  I now understand that Jesus references the minute mustard seed in Luke to correlate that simply embodying our true innate nature is all that’s necessary to remain connected to and believe in God and subsequently ourselves. Last week, I explored the lifestyle criterias that nurture positive self believe and the remainder of this article explains  that being authentic is the outcome of embodying those ideals.

You are not your expectations.

I invite everyone to consider if they are completely happy with themselves or their life to discern if they are being their true self. If the answer was no, then unfortunately a person is not being authentic with themselves. And while some would insist that their discontent only stems from not yet attaining certain desires in their life. I believe that external factors ‘seem’ to make us unhappy only because we stopped being our true selves and became the expectations we thought would make us feel more worthy. Transitioning back into one’s authentic self entails acting in the opposite manner as a person  currently does when they’re not content. Believing that happiness is our birthright entails choosing behaviors and thoughts that genuinely make us happy. Therefore, if a person’s reactions to emotional discontent intensifies their unhappiness then they are responding to embody their unmet  ‘expectations’ rather than satisfying their own authentic need for joy. Hence, the occasions where most people stop being their true selves is when their expectations of needing love or approval from others (in order to feel happy) goes unmet. We typically mask the vulnerability of our unmet expectations by reacting with anger, resentment, blame etc, instead of employing the courage to choose a response that honors our intrinsic desire to experience joy. Fraya on the other hand has given me a kiss mid tears and frowns because she is only motivated by her birthright to be happy and experience love not only during perfect conditions. Framing our responses as a means of creating our own happiness internalizes that our fate does not depend on circumstances but is determined by our own ability and willingness to continue fulfilling our happiness. Thus, being authentic amidst vulnerability prevents us from becoming  discouraged by unfavorable circumstances, which bolsters   our conviction in ourselves.

Authenticity=Consistency=self trust.

Being motivated by our expectations of others and ourselves diminishes our control over our choices, making it difficult to trust ourselves. When my own joyful demeanor was augmented by the actions of others, I was unknowingly people pleasing instead genuinely responding in my own best interest. Rather committing to responses that align with our authentic desire to experience inner peace ‘for ourselves’ creates consistency in appraising our identity. We become more likely to trust and believe in ourselves when we can rely on own capacity to make choices that uphold our inner peace. Rather, I did not previously have a genuine reference of what “my best interest” resembled  when my intentions were derailed by the actions of others (or circumstances). Instead, I was simply making it up on the fly with impulsive reactions to appease my discontent and unmet expectations. Our fragile and needy ego confuses us to perceive that adapting who are according to circumstances is empowering. However, it creates dependency on others for joy, which undermines our own ability to believe in ourselves.

Embracing our authentic free loving nature is the ultimate goal of our existence. This insight offers me a new interpretation for one my favorite passages in the Bible. The metaphor of the mustard seed simultaneously alludes to the simplicity entailed in being our authentic self  and the inherent courage that is required in bravely choosing to be ourselves in every moment. It takes tremendous courage not to hide behind anger, blame, sadness, etc but to allow our human desire to feel love during these moment be seen through mindful responses that restore our inner peace.  Everyday Fraya illustrates that the world doesn’t owe us happiness because we were already given the right and ability to create it for ourselves. Thus, willingly co-creating with negative emotions is not staying aligned with our true selves that is connected to divine intuition and inspiration. Our true nature is always love, hence we are called to be an unconditional embodiment of love to accept ourselves unconditionally and transcend all conditions. Our capacity to rise ‘above’ all circumstances through unconditional self love deepens our positive believe in ourselves and trust in our Creator.

What it really takes to believe in ourselves.

Have you ever wondered what it would truly take to believe in yourself? After all, our authentic opinion of ourselves frames our ability to manifest the beautiful life that we all desire. My own personal journey confirms that while it may be possible to succeed by other people’s definitions amidst internal discontent, pursuing the passion that fulfills our soul’s happiness takes tremendous positive believe in ourselves. We often speak of the effects of self belief such passion, determination and resiliency but how does a person nurture a positive opinion of themselves in the first place?. Sustaining the motivation to take favorable and intentional action in the absence of a favorable outcome is an important aspect of resiliency. So, while our objectives can shape the vision of our pursuits, attaching our happiness to our desired outcomes reduces our clarity necessary to make empowered choices during undesirable outcomes. Therefore, to believe in ourselves, we must choose to love ourselves without a reason. Embracing inner peace when our expectations aren’t met impacts our willingness to continue expending energy in a manner that benefits us.

Stop expecting love in return.

Our instant gratification culture  impacts a person’s sustained  ability to maintain a positive view of themselves. Wanting validation, praise and approval in return for our efforts ironically leads to playing small and not believing in our higher potential due a subsequent fear of not meeting those criteria. We may intuitively presume that having greater expectations for our efforts yields greater motivation. However, our expectations only define our dependency on external factors (beyond our control) in order to remain motivated. Therefore, one’s expectations represent all the reasons that will discourage a person from continuing to believe in themselves when those ideals are not met. Remaining attached to our unmet expectations unknowingly leads to simply lowering the threshold of what it takes feel validated, approved etc. In contrast, retaining inner peace amidst unfavorable outcomes enables us to learn and grow through circumstances without fear or concern about the perceived judgements or actions of others (family, friends, etc). The more that we expect others to contribute to our happiness, the harder it becomes to differentiate the between the hypothetical voices of their opinions and our own intuition. We must routinely react to discontent in a manner that prioritizes kindness and inner peace  towards ourselves when it’s not given in return. Doing so, fosters the mindset that can identify and execute our best interest during larger set backs. Thus, reacting from the mindset and expectations of the ego increases the likelihood that we’ll stop believing ourselves when we cannot prove ourselves to others.

Be worthy of your good effort.

We often make the mistake of devoting a tremendous amount of energy to activities that appease or impress others but seldom expend a fraction of the same efforts in lifestyle choices that foster internal happiness. Perhaps, it’s because we assume that we are not getting anything in return from ourselves. When we are only motivated by expectations then we may perceive that our own personal joy/fulfillment is not as worthy of our persistent and committed effort. Such self neglect prevents us from cultivating passion and greater purpose. Valuing our own joy and fulfillment enables us to make empowered choices in the absence of validation from others. Pursuing greater  purpose often entails investing tremendous effort in reclaiming neglected aspects of ourselves.  We must value the internal rewards of our growth to feel worthy of our own sacrifice in the absense of external approval. For example, you may be an accountant but if you are unhappy with your life, then perhaps your soul seeks greater creative expression. Discovering this hidden passion entails expending persistent energy solely for your own fulfillment. I believe that many people do not believe in their highest human potential simply because we are conditioned to only ‘work hard’ for a specific result rather than striving to expand and enrich ourselves. This is akin to a car without fuel since we cannot manifest our desired outcomes without knowing how to act in alignment with our true happiness.

Life is a series of “each moment”, therefore the unmet expectations that justify not choosing inner peace in each occasion become the reasons that prevent us from believing in ourselves when our expectations aren’t met. Our goal is to give ourselves internally all the expectations that promote our inner peace so that we can confidently act with clarity when these ideals are lacking in our circumstances. This requires the courage to feel deserving of joy unconditionally such that we can  remain resilient when our efforts don’t yield our desired outcomes. We must awaken to awareness that it is our own embodiment of unconditional love that frees us from the dependency on others and circumstances to feel worthy. If we always need a reason to choose kindness, then we’ll always need a reason to be happy and whatever constraints our happiness undermines believing in ourselves when those expectations are not met.

Honoring our bodies’ need for grace.

Whenever I have felt as though I was working against the grain, it usually meant that I was pushing against my body’s need for a time out. It may seem counter-intuitive to interrupt one’s full force momentum with periodic moments of rest but recovery is a crucial aspect of optimal performance. Our bodies are always intuitively communicating what our soul needs to enhance our experience of joy, peace and subsequently maximize our efficacy. Therefore giving ourselves grace from the hurried pace of life may optimize our creative potential in the long run. I believe that constantly working within the pace of internal resistance may be counter productive over time because it diminishes the passion within our efforts. I’ve learned that giving myself the grace from the expectation mindset and honoring what my soul is calling for often yields greater inspiration and creativity.

Give in to your higher self.

Essentially, it is the highest version of ourselves, which possesses the creative potential to efficiently navigate our situations and challenges that signals our bodies for periodic grace. Therefore, pushing through our need for recovery is like working without the most qualified version of ourselves and we may expend greater amount of energy and effort because we are working against ourselves. For example, a couple weeks ago, I was struggling to convey my thoughts in the article “What maybe keeping you from discovering your higher purpose” due to the abstract nature of that subject matter. Transferring what resonated as clear concepts in my mind into simple and coherent words and style became increasingly difficult. I initially ignored my body’s signal for a break because I was intent on not wasting the remaining allotted writing time for that evening. I’ve discovered that we truly cannot resist ourselve for our accord, therefore it’s helpful to identify the external expectations that makes one afraid to slow down. I recognized that my forced attempt was out of alignment with my core truth of unconditional self acceptance upon realizing  that I was nervous about not having an article to post within an expected timeframe. Being out of alignment kept me stuck in the fearful “problem” mindset and diminished my creative inspiration for resolving my writer’s block. When I finally decided to take a break, the article practically wrote itself as I was having a shower and I ended up scrambling to document what is personally one of my most meaningful pieces. Basically, the part of myself that understood how to phrase the complexity of that topic was exhausted; rather, my highest self needed to engage in a more relaxing activity to release my tense creative energy . Had I persisted to struggle in my writer’s block, I may not have expressed myself as succinctly as I was able to after taking a break.

Less can be more.

After taking a break, it took me about a quarter of the time that I had already invested in drafting that article to completely finish writing it . We gain clarity about a certain process after giving our soul what it needs regain inner peace. Thus, our bodies signal the energetic shift that is required to rejuvenate the most inspired aspect of ourselves.  For example, if you’re naturally a free spirit, your body may often seek grace in the form of play but for myself being more contemplative by nature, my soul was craving a space to think without distraction or pressure. Giving ourselves permission to be the most joyful authentic version of ourselves through rest then allows us to bring that feeling into completing our required task at hand. Resuming our endeavors with a more favorable emotional energy may lead to being more persistent and motivated and we may often accomplish more than we previously anticipated. I am often in awe of my husband’s ability to work for many uninterrupted hours creating his reclaimed wood art after allowing himself to indulge in nap after work. It’s as though giving ourselves grace subsequently allows us to be fully onboard with the required task at hand going forward. While pushing against ourselves is akin to trying to concentrate with a needy toddler constantly nagging for our attention. We may still get the work done but the process may be more interrupted and the outcome less productive.

Resiliency encompasses being good to ourselves especially in the long run. Thus, it’s important to establish a balance of when to go hard and when to take it easy so we do not diminish our passion and burn out. The field that lays fallow will yield more fertile harvest in the season to follow. It’s okay to give ourselves grace to recover because the most inspired version of ourselves needs this shift to become more creative.

The only thing that will change your life.

I saw this poignant quote today and felt that  it captured an integral essence of personal development. I’ve gained a lot of wisdom over the last ten months by simply practicing the following principle that I believe is necessary in order to expand our lives: “the only way to get what we want from life is to stop waiting for a reason, a milestone or an outcome to occur in order to be happy”. By the way, this is called authenticity. Right now as you are, without a single thing changing or happening in your life, this is the version of yourself that you need to love and accept in order to reclaim your greatness. Whatever would give you joy within this context of your being (when you’re not pretending to be the expectations that you believe would make you more worthy) is the gift of your passion. Anything and everything else will always become a tiresome chore that will not give your soul the joy and abundance that your it desires and is capable of.

Consider that the person you are now doesn’t have anything to prove or lose so it’d be some kind of magic if you would put a little fuel of love into her and give her some direction. Allowing yourself to be good enough right now shows the universe that you deserve what you desire and finally gives the version of you that is sustainable the permission to start creating. As you are right now is all that is certain, and if you infused enough joy into your momentum, you would finally have nothing to lose because you are already happy simply being you. Therefore, whatever false imaginings, gripes or regrets that you must let go of to feel joy again in this moment of your life is actually the lesson that your life has been trying to teach you. And all experiences in your life will continue to nudge you to release whatever expectation(s) prevents you from loving yourself, so might as well take the lesson now before it becomes more forceful.

Unhappiness is simply your soul’s rebellion against denying yourself of love. It’s been waiting with gifts and wisdom to guide you into greater abundance but soon it will grow more impatient if it feels that time is running out. Like a stubborn child with its arms crossed and backed turned to your charade, it will stay unhappy unless you love yourself. You may say “but I got a new motorcycle, aren’t you happy now?” and it will not budge with an ounce of joy. “But I lost so much weight, aren’t you happy now?” And it will be stonewalled. Your soul will withhold all joy for any performance of inauthenticity.

You will have no choice but to finally embrace your truth and honour yourself wholly as you will surely tire of internally suffering in vain. This is how ordinary people create extraordinary lives by choosing joy just as they are and letting their soul guide them into their natural magnificence.

 

Self love is the key to manifestation.

I previously approached the law of attraction as merely thinking positively about the job, relationship or any favorable outcome, which I deemed would make me happier. I overlooked the fact that the theory of attraction relates to that person that I had to be to feel deserving of my desired outcome. Thus, how we perceive our self worth is the true law of attraction. Subsequentlythe limitations on how a person experiences inner peace subconsciously signals the magnitude of what they believe that they deserve in life. When I did not love myself unconditionally and derived inner peace during the unpredictable occasions when life unfolded perfectly, I only attracted what I perceived that I could handle. In contrast, self love detaches our joy from external factors and our resulting ability to embrace life unconditionally opens up greater possibilities of manifestation. Loving ourselves offers clarity about our intentions and choices, while flowing with the tides of life fosters a creative wisdom that enables us to trust the process of our evolution and self mastery.

Self love is your clarity.
Without self love, we unknowingly limit our potential  due to a subconscious motivation to recoup from others and circumstances the love that we aren’t giving to ourselves. For me, this began innocently as a desire to make others (family) proud. However, this need for approval eventually evolves into a fear of loosing the validation of others and one resigns to a life of simply avoiding unfavorable outcomes. Our vision loses focus if we base our choices on what we do not want instead of consciously identifying and fulfilling the passions that makes us happy. The avoidance approach diminishes the selection of desirable choices/endeavors and this is the point in life where many erroneously doubt their capacity to manifest more from life. Rather, separating one’s inner peace and joy from their expectations to be praised and validated by others would offer a person clarity about what they truly want and how to make supportive choices that enhance  fulfilling greater purpose. We must love ourselves in the same manner that we expect to be validated by others in order to feel no love lost when we detach our efforts from the opinions of others. Self love becomes the gateway for choosing growth and expansion over approval.

Self love fuels creativity.
One only needs to observe young children to remember that creativity is not only our innate nature but a necessary aspect of our evolution. I believe that creativity is reflected in our capacity to resolve or transform an emotional, physical or mental experience in a favorable manner. Therefore, creativity also requires detaching our inner peace and joy from the expectations we have of others, circumstances and outcomes. The qualities (patience, kindness, compassion, trust) that one needs to love themselves are the same traits that is required to nurture our creative personality. Unfortunately, the ego often reacts to discontent with force and resistance instead of with ease and understanding when we expect others to love us in a greater manner than we love ourselves. Hence, I did not tap into my true creative potential earlier in life when I selectively embodied love in my routine interactions. When I could not peacefully resolve and understand my son’s tantrum, a careless driver merging in traffic or a rude customer service person, I also lacked the creativity to resolve the bigger issues of my life. The more that our inner peace is attached to the action of others, then the less inspired we become, which diminishes the value to bring to and attain from our life. By detaching our identity from circumstance, self love allows us to gain the creative wisdom from each experience of discontent.

There are jewels within every human soul that one cannot discover until they learn to engage lovingly with themselves. We must venture through vulnerability and self honesty to discover the power within us. Embracing vulnerability offers us courage to willingly go first in choosing love in our interactions so that we do not become limited by seeking it from others. When we share love freely we gain the advantage of having nothing left to lose. The fearlessness that grows from self love aligns our actions with our true source of happiness,  allowing us to manifest greater abundance.

Why we shouldn’t cry over missed opportunities.

Our willingness to let go of missed opportunities impacts our capacity to continue taking effective action towards our goals. I recently felt myself crying over spilled milk as I regretted not increasing my activity on this WordPress blog months ago. Forecasting the forgone benefits of my oversight immediately diminished my initial enthusiasm to begin utilizing this site as my primary means of sharing inspirations and content. Though, I was able to redirect my attention to my anticipated vision for this blog, my initial emotional distress was a good reminder that fixating on the past is a significant deterrent to moving forward on our goals.

Forgive yourself.
Being hard on ourselves is generally an automatic reaction to one’s oversight. It can be difficult to forgive ourselves if we believe that we will not be presented with similar opportunities again or encounter another opportunity to redeem ourselves. Yet, being self critical undermines our confidence in ourselves, which then prevents us from trusting our judgment in subsequent occasions. Rather, forgiving ourselves consciously discards our prior limiting and critical perception of our competence. This enables us to acknowledge our potential to make different choices under similar circumstances. More so, forgiving our mishaps conditions our capacity to embrace inner peace and self worth amidst undesirable circumstances, which bolsters our trust and believe in our resolve and resiliency. The next time you regret forgoing a brief opportunity to greet someone you haven’t seen in a while or you get a question wrong on an exam because you second guessed your knowledge, you should immediately forgive yourself. This will actually enable you to trust your ability to take your preferred actions in subsequent instances.

Commit to the next opportunity.
It became easier to overcome my regret of lost productivity once I became fully committed to what I was going to do differently going forward. Instead of feeling deflated about a missed opportunities, identify your next desired outcome and invest your energy into planning your subsequent action steps. I moved past my initial disappointment by brainstorming the layout changes I wanted to make to my page, planning future posts and becoming more knowledgeable about certain features about my site. This restored my excitement and focus on being engaged in the priorities of the present moment. It was a sharp contrast from my prior response to routine oversights, whereby I can recall how the demotivation from mulling over questions that I accidentally got wrong on university exams distracted me effectively studying for upcoming tests. Being fully engaged on the tasks at hand sustains our passion, which is an important aspect of progress. In contrast one may overlook  the next best opportunity to redeem their desired outcome if they don’t focus on available opportunities.  I’ve often been distracted in my social encounters as I scrutinized  what I could have done differently in a previous interaction and missed the opportunity to engage in the very manner that I regretted not doing.

Our ability to utilize any success principle while pursuing our broader goals requires consistently incorporating these ideals into our every day routine interactions. Life is only ever unfolding in the present moment, thus our greatest oversight in life is minimizing the broader implications of our actions during each moment. Practice quickly moving past your slip ups in the every day moments such ignoring a hunch to bring an umbrella when the forecast changes to rain. Doing so conditions your capacity to remain forward thinking during more important occasions in your  life. Many people haven’t yet discovered that the key to realizing their human potential is as simple as becoming more conscious and intentional during their moment to moment interactions and choices.

What maybe keeping you from discovering your higher purpose.

If you are currently searching to discover your soul’s highest expression of purpose and abundance then it may be more useful to identify the broader lifestyle choices that are hindering your capacity to gain your desired clarity. If your laser focus on tapping into your gifts continually comes up empty handed then you may actually be missing the bigger details that primes our mindset for  fulfilling our highest potential. Reflecting upon the times when I wasn’t connected to a deeper sense of life purpose, I can now discern the specific outlook that prevented me from being in alignment with my current passion for self development. Here are a couple universal components of fulfilling purpose that a person should first consider about their current lifestyle to determine if they possess the mindset that compliments  manifesting their highest purpose and abundance.

Are you willing to connect deeply with others?

Service is the crux of living purposefully and it represents our innate human desire to connect with others while sharing our gifts. Service grows from the notion of mutuality  and entails a desire to foster belonging by sharing the best aspect of our being with others unconditionally. Therefore, the best way to assess one’s readiness for a service mindset is to examine their willingness to create belonging and acceptance for others (strangers) in their routine interactions. And the best litmus for our propensity for connection is how one responds to other people’s egos since that is the part of our identity that intrinsically creates separation and estranges others. If a person’s default reaction is to be right, judge others or always insist on having their way then they haven’t yet adopted the desire to connect deeply with others, which is the underlying basis of sharing our gifts in a purposeful way. The desire to connect deeper with others is a key component of fulfilling greater purpose because it requires us to foremost love ourselves unconditionally. It’s through our own self acceptance that we no longer seek validation or worth through others and begin to see the humanity in others. Without having a service mindset, we still perceive that joy stems from what we expect to get from life, rather than what we can offer and share through our inspiration and creativity.

Are you ready to be yourself?

While the notion of “being yourself” is a popular message in our culture, it remains  an ambiguous concept that I did not fully understand until rediscovering my authentic nature this year. Being yourself means to be and embody the qualities that one would expect of others or act as they wish to be treated. What we demand or desire from others represents the subconscious criteria of our sense of similarity and belonging with others. Therefore, our expectations of others actually represent our repressed authentic nature that we seek to experience through others. I believe that pivotal life events left us feeling unloved or unapproved by others as we embraced certain aspects of ourselves and our vulnerability resolved not to showcase our authenticity unconditionally. Denying ourselves the joy that stems from our authentic self leads to seeking those traits in others. Thus, being yourself is not expecting anything from another person in order to feel happy, which is the essence of self love. The self acceptance that results from not needing the approval of others (family, friends, etc.) frees us to fearlessly express our own unique gifts.

The common thread between both of these criteria for fulfilling greater purpose is the willingness to go first in choosing love in our interactions. Purpose is our soul’s highest expression of love that we want to share unconditionally. Therefore without releasing the expectations/limitations on when we express love in our interactions, we will feel separate from others, which creates a subconscious fear of being ourselves or of true service to others.

 

Why we must keep changing.

Our resistance to our changing circumstances limits our human potential because we are designed to change in order to meet our needs. Every moment in the day, you are not the same person. Physiologically, our body is constantly altering and adjusting according to changing chemical/electrical inputs in order to achieve equilibrium, imagine if your pupils did not dilate in darkness. Emotionally, our innate ability to love enables us to experience joy/peace, where our task is to constantly adapt our self awareness in response to our circumstances and recognize how to love more to sustain happiness. If your circumstances produce a feeling of losing control, resuming inner peace and happiness does not require seeking greater control over external factors or others but becoming more patient. Therefore, we must constantly change within ourselves to experience joy and peace, yet the common response to disappointment is to look externally for what is wrong, what to blame and to change. Naturally, this doesn’t resolve our discontent because it does not enable us to grow into the person that can OVERCOME our difficulties, thus we keep struggling through the same predicaments instead rising above it. Change because it is our nature, we are suppose to change, we are allowed to change and we must change from the inside out to feel the joy that we crave.

A Dream Of Self Acceptance

I have a dream, that one day you will awake to a renewed hope in your being.
That we will not turn our backs on ourselves in hopes of receiving love from another.
That we will look upon ourselves like our babes and smile at every part of experience.
We will not treat ourselves like an outsider when we fall, stumble or cannot find our way.
We will not play favorites with ourselves, rejoicing in our being only when we can take a bow.
But we will sit and be with ourselves in our darkest hour, in the loneliest thoughts and become deaf to the noise of others’ voices bullying our pain.
We will be like our own loving parent who sees their young running towards them with their scraped knees panting and wailing to tell the tale of their assault,
With open arms, we will hear ourselves out with compassion and without judgment and will disregard what the perpetrator should have or shouldn’t have done.
But choose to let our hearts swell with love for our vulnerability, embrace ourselves nodding to our soul that we are okay.
I have a dream that once we see our ups and downs with the same favor of contentment then the spaces in our heart will never be closed and joy and peace will always find their way in.
And pain and sadness will come and go without being held captive.
I have a dream for all to know this divine smile of peace that now rests in my being and sees no threat in anything beyond my soul.
Join me in the oasis of unconditional bliss that seeks only to fulfill itself.
Because once we embrace the “other” within ourselves, who was undeserving of our love, we’ll no longer estrange the other before our eyes.
I have a dream that we will awake to the truth that the gifts which are hidden in our souls, cannot be found on the surface but only through our healing.
That in healing ourselves, we discover a magic that we wish to spread to those who bear the same wounds.
I have a dream that all will stop dreaming of who they wish to be but accept the glory of their wholeness and with the freedom that ensues will grow into more than they ever imagined.
I have a dream that we will awake to the power of love that lays within, awaiting our return home.