I hope that 2018 is the year that we begin to pay more attention to that part of us, which is bold enough to keep whispering those “supposedly impossible” desires into our hearts. What does it know that we haven’t yet accepted about ourselves? I ignored that nagging, optimistic whisper for most of my life, choosing instead to follow the noise of what “I should do”. Until one day, I showed up as a disgruntled CEO of my life, looking at the meager returns of joy that my expectations were bringing in. Not one doubtful thought or excuse had anything uplifting to show for itself and I couldn’t help but feel ashamed about permitting that mindset to be in charge of my life for so long. It was time to pay closer attention to that persistent quiet voice of inner confidence that kept whispering of a better way of being. I think that we all have that part of us that keeps our desires alive against the will of our doubts. Have you considered that this part of us may already have an elaborate plan to fulfill those ideals if we allowed it? We are so conditioned to give more attention to the inner dialogue of doubt that is quick to question the likelihood of successfully achieving the growth that our soul yearns to experience. Yet, our doubt(s) cannot see the end of time, so it can never truly present meaningful proof as to why you shouldn’t follow your heart. So why shouldn’t we hear out this dreamer buried deep inside of all of us. This is your higher self that is receiving that inspiration for you to try one more time to get healthy, to leave that unfulfilling relationship, share your gifts with the world, etc. Yes, you know that part of you that is brazen enough to create torn in your heart by keeping that one wish alive in your soul. Clearly, it believes in us and I beg of you to finally give it a chance to make it’s case as to why it’s so unwilling to abandon your heart’s desire. See if it’s possible that it is more persuasive and qualified to run your life that the underperforming critic you may have been rubbing shoulders with.
So just for once, call upon your higher self to boast freely as to why it continues to urge you to seek more fulfillment in life. Does it know that you are really good at researching and could learn all that you need to get started and this knowledge would spark something unstoppable inside of you. Maybe, it knows that you’re really good at problem solving and you would be relentless in finding solutions to whatever hurdles come up if you kept your higher self in charge. Maybe it knows that you are great at focusing on one thing at a time and would eventually become an expert in your craft. Perhaps, it knows that the freedom that you would feel from shifting into a new vision would enhance your confidence and empower you to add greater purpose and impact to your life. I encourage you to keep all your questions until the end and do not interrupt your higher self as it paints you a picture of your true unrealized potential. Rather, stand back and slowly get excited for its conviction and as you get carried away in these new details, allow that smirk on your face to grow. It will be hard not to feel impressed by this wild dreamer that is daring to bring remarkable fulfillment, abundance and peace into your life. Keep in mind that it will never be silent if you don’t give it the shot it’s been waiting for. Follow the signs in your body, if you feel lighter and more alive by the end of this imagining then don’t throw that hope away but make a deal to be guided by your higher self going forward. Trust it’s desperate plea that you won’t regret promoting her or him to be in charge as it assures that it will not let your down. You see even in your skepticism, you cannot help but feel fired up by its enthusiasm and passion.
Many of us aren’t living the lives that we desire because we haven’t fully seen the vision that our potential has in store. We have given doubt free reign and allowed it to run the show in our lives with little to no returns. Isn’t it time to hear what our higher self has to say and give it an honest chance to implement some changes. What if it absolutely could breathe new life into our unfulfilling circumstances as it promises. I am not saying the you have to change your life in one swoop but you have a fully confident and competent part of you that keeps urging you to experience something better. Begin by just going within and calling a meeting with your higher self and then get behind its vision. Allow yourself to imagine that perhaps you do already have everything you need to get started and remain guided by your higher self to keep moving forward in living the life you were born to create.
Funny enough, I think that we unknowingly begin the journey towards authenticity inflated with a naive assumption that a moment of instant courage permanently overthrows one’s limitating beliefs once and for all. I didn’t know that self doubt is a stubborn opponent, always lingering closely behind every missed step as we endeavor to express greater purpose and fulfillment. Indeed, we will REPEATEDLY pass through unexpected landscapes of uncertainty to accumulate enough distance between our old mental captivity. Like a fleeing hostage who is powered with fierce intention but periodically looks back in fear to gauge safety; bravery does not preclude occasionally questioning ourselves. As you pursue the truest and most valuable vision of your life, your enthusiasm may be tested as the reality of abandoning familiar patterns and choices takes hold. It’s akin to the sense of transient loneliness that gradually hits a person settling into a foreign city after the initial thrill of sight seeing passes. Take heed not to assault your wounded pride during these occasions of emotional limbo because you are only traveling through insecurity. Expect periodic melancholy as you are returning home to your true self as the sun expects to surrender the sky at dusk with confidence that it will always rise and shine again. Anticipating this forecast of rainy days as we share our light gives us the grace to trust our capacity to evolve through such circumstances.
We are peeling off layers of limitations that took years to weave and its during the ebb of our expansion that we get to pour more love into the remaining holes in our heart. When I find myself pondering whether I am big enough to fill the size of my of unfolding purpose, I remind myself that the destination is simply to be the fullest expression of myself, therefore I have nothing to lose in being as I am during any low moment in time. We must listen to the imaginings of our self doubt as a loving parent would console a whimpering child and reassure our qualms with a promise to love and accept ourselves under each grim prospect. Remaining emotionally supportive of ourselves during doubts allows us to recognize that we are not our fears. This has a surprising effect of easing the tension in our minds. Perhaps, self doubt is simply our creative potential seeking reassurance that we are no longer playing favorites with our dignity and a graceful resolve empowers us to put everything on the line. Through self love, we emerge from doubt with greater commitment to our potential, an awareness that grounds us as we ride subsequent waves of insecurity.
When we finally discover that there’s no rush to this journey of being ourselves, then we recover from doubtful moments loaded with the type of anticipation that rushes over a person standing in their brand new empty home. We now get to choose which thoughts are allowed to linger in our minds as we would carefully decide how to transform a bare house into a cozy home. So when in doubt, I weigh each decision and objective by how it accommodates my sense of internal freedom for I did not heal old expectations only to be bound by more refined ones. Rather, let’s be patient in shaping the vision of the future once we rise from momentary uncertainty to ensure that the victory we crave truly liberates our soul and growth. If you are currently caught in a moment of such insecurity, wondering how the same old fears keep finding a way back to you, do not overlook the worries in your heart. As you wouldn’t ignore a dear friend whom you knew was hurting, sit besides your shaky pride and reassure yourself that you okay and have been here before. Dissolve every version of perceived judgement with a gentle reminder that soul is only longing to feel loved by you. Be a hero to that old version of yourself that you are rescuing from grips of fear and then do your future self a favor of being brave enough today to pull yourself up to keep moving forward in a way that feels truthful to who you are. For someday you will see the beauty in this moment, why not look for it today.
If you’ve been lucky enough to experience life thus far without undergoing the preverbal rock bottom occasion then you’re also probably living fairly honest with yourself. That’s because I believe that rock bottom is often the inevitable fallout of unsustainable inauthenticity. Having experienced a few these occasions (sometimes eras) , I recall that these were the occasions where I didn’t recognize my life as mine. It always felt as though I had been teleported into the bleak circumstances that were my new reality. After a prolonged series of self betraying choices, one final outcome suddenly ushers one into a new threshold of despair like a twist of the knife. Rock bottom events highlight the ideals that undermined loving ourselves by making the sudden absence of those factors incredibly painful. We become cornered into making one of two choices, surrender to our desperate desire to feel worthy despite our circumstances or painfully keep up appearances by picking up our broken expectations where we left us and try to revive them back to reality.
The first time I felt emotionally displaced in my life was settling into the lonely weight of becoming a single mother at age twenty one. I had suddenly gone from “full of potential” practically being my middle name to feeling relegated to the hypothetical rejects table watching the ‘important’ people mingle at the party. With every unsolicited opinion about the tremendous adversity awaiting me, I sensed potential was leaking out of me like air in a punctured tire. There was a looming fear and uncertainty about fulfilling the great hopes that I had for my future. And there was the loniless of socially braving the path of single parenting without others who understood your reality. Unfortunately, I didn’t choose to acquiesce my vulnerability and accept myself as good enough regardless of the presiding social perceptions. I didn’t forgive whatever mistakes I internalized but held myself to a new and higher standard of perfection to prove my worth. Being extremely hard on myself amidst my underlying perceived judgement from others created a perfect storm of disconnection and isolation. Finally becoming comfortable with vulnerability through self compassion has enabled me to heal my attachment to self limiting expectations and embrace greater authenticity and inspiration.
Our desire to be happy is the strongest when we feel vulnerable, therefore these are the true opportunities to love ourselves. Vulnerability symbolizes our strong human desire to be our true loving selves when we fear that it may not be safe to do so. While joy is the medium of inspiration, we must confront vulnerability to learn the lessons necessary to overcome subconscious limitations that undermine expressing our optimal creative potential. Therefore, having a greater affinity to appeasing our unmet expectations sabotages our longing to feel worthy amidst imperfection and reinforces the self limiting perceptions that perpetuate being inauthentic . We cannot genuinely transcend and grow beyond the undesirable circumstances that elicit vulnerability without meeting our emotional needs during these occasions. Thus, feeling stuck in life typically results from avoiding vulnerability and subsequently not knowing how make different choices that generate a more favorable outcomes. We only feel lost in life when we are running from confronting the vulnerability of what we need from ourselves to feel worthy. As I ran to unhealthy relationships or shopping addiction to avoid releasing the perfectionist expectations that I clung to with my life, I lost a true vision of who I was. Self compassion honors our innate desire to feel good enough even when circumstances would lead us to believe otherwise. Practicing self compassion now enables me to detach my worth from external circumstances so I can feel safe within my own opinion. Not having this skill fourteen years ago led to trying to white knuckle life and subsequently being reluctant to expand my comfort zone. Living in a constant survival mode emotionally robs us of the ability to foster the passion and inspiration necessary to express greater creative potential that is always within us.
I have been blessed to discover the value of self compassion not only for my own healing but to share with all those seeking freedom from the lonely grips of inauthenticity. The vulnerability within rock bottom occasions can make it hard to believe in our own good loving nature unless we finally release the expectations that rendered us inauthentic. After years of internally fighting myself, the rock bottom moment that finally inspired me to reclaim my authentic nature was my escalating anger towards others. In a seemingly innocent moment of frustration, my justified retaliation made it impossible to continue endorsing my innate belief of being a compassionate person. It took self compassion not to hide my true desire for inner peace with an angry response. Don’t wait until a rock bottom moment to acknowledge how far your life may have steered from who you feel you are on the inside. If you are in the Edmonton, Canada area and want to explore how self compassion can strengthen your self confidence then join me for my first Self Compassion workshop on Sunday November 26, 2017 with a special launch price of $10. Click the link https://www.facebook.com/events/870819843099363/?ti=icl to RSVP as space is limited.
I recently watched a video segment where Oprah attributed her tremendous conviction in herself to religious teachings such as the biblical verse where Jesus commands that if one had as little faith as a mustard seed they could uproot the tree. Oprah asserted that we don’t get what we ‘want’ in life but manifest what we feel we deserve through our own believe of ourselves. She added that one must internalize joy, fulfillment, peace, happiness, success, comfort and abundance as part of their birth right in order to manifest those ideals into their life circumstances. I always pondered why Jesus chose the minuscule mustard seed to correlate the unwavering courage necessary to nurture faith. Our fifteen month old Fraya reminds me that very young children only behave as though the ideals described by Oprah are their birthright while adults demand a reason to feel joy. Extrapolating from the importance of authenticity in discovering the inspiration for greater purpose and the truth of humanity being created in the likeness of God offers a new awareness about this metaphor. I now understand that Jesus references the minute mustard seed in Luke to correlate that simply embodying our true innate nature is all that’s necessary to remain connected to and believe in God and subsequently ourselves. Last week, I explored the lifestyle criterias that nurture positive self believe and the remainder of this article explains that being authentic is the outcome of embodying those ideals.
You are not your expectations.
I invite everyone to consider if they are completely happy with themselves or their life to discern if they are being their true self. If the answer was no, then unfortunately a person is not being authentic with themselves. And while some would insist that their discontent only stems from not yet attaining certain desires in their life. I believe that external factors ‘seem’ to make us unhappy only because we stopped being our true selves and became the expectations we thought would make us feel more worthy. Transitioning back into one’s authentic self entails acting in the opposite manner as a person currently does when they’re not content. Believing that happiness is our birthright entails choosing behaviors and thoughts that genuinely make us happy. Therefore, if a person’s reactions to emotional discontent intensifies their unhappiness then they are responding to embody their unmet ‘expectations’ rather than satisfying their own authentic need for joy. Hence, the occasions where most people stop being their true selves is when their expectations of needing love or approval from others (in order to feel happy) goes unmet. We typically mask the vulnerability of our unmet expectations by reacting with anger, resentment, blame etc, instead of employing the courage to choose a response that honors our intrinsic desire to experience joy. Fraya on the other hand has given me a kiss mid tears and frowns because she is only motivated by her birthright to be happy and experience love not only during perfect conditions. Framing our responses as a means of creating our own happiness internalizes that our fate does not depend on circumstances but is determined by our own ability and willingness to continue fulfilling our happiness. Thus, being authentic amidst vulnerability prevents us from becoming discouraged by unfavorable circumstances, which bolsters our conviction in ourselves.
Being motivated by our expectations of others and ourselves diminishes our control over our choices, making it difficult to trust ourselves. When my own joyful demeanor was augmented by the actions of others, I was unknowingly people pleasing instead genuinely responding in my own best interest. Rather committing to responses that align with our authentic desire to experience inner peace ‘for ourselves’ creates consistency in appraising our identity. We become more likely to trust and believe in ourselves when we can rely on own capacity to make choices that uphold our inner peace. Rather, I did not previously have a genuine reference of what “my best interest” resembled when my intentions were derailed by the actions of others (or circumstances). Instead, I was simply making it up on the fly with impulsive reactions to appease my discontent and unmet expectations. Our fragile and needy ego confuses us to perceive that adapting who are according to circumstances is empowering. However, it creates dependency on others for joy, which undermines our own ability to believe in ourselves.
Embracing our authentic free loving nature is the ultimate goal of our existence. This insight offers me a new interpretation for one my favorite passages in the Bible. The metaphor of the mustard seed simultaneously alludes to the simplicity entailed in being our authentic self and the inherent courage that is required in bravely choosing to be ourselves in every moment. It takes tremendous courage not to hide behind anger, blame, sadness, etc but to allow our human desire to feel love during these moment be seen through mindful responses that restore our inner peace. Everyday Fraya illustrates that the world doesn’t owe us happiness because we were already given the right and ability to create it for ourselves. Thus, willingly co-creating with negative emotions is not staying aligned with our true selves that is connected to divine intuition and inspiration. Our true nature is always love, hence we are called to be an unconditional embodiment of love to accept ourselves unconditionally and transcend all conditions. Our capacity to rise ‘above’ all circumstances through unconditional self love deepens our positive believe in ourselves and trust in our Creator.
Have you ever wondered what it would truly take to believe in yourself? After all, our authentic opinion of ourselves frames our ability to manifest the beautiful life that we all desire. My own personal journey confirms that while it may be possible to succeed by other people’s definitions amidst internal discontent, pursuing the passion that fulfills our soul’s happiness takes tremendous positive believe in ourselves. We often speak of the effects of self belief such passion, determination and resiliency but how does a person nurture a positive opinion of themselves in the first place?. Sustaining the motivation to take favorable and intentional action in the absence of a favorable outcome is an important aspect of resiliency. So, while our objectives can shape the vision of our pursuits, attaching our happiness to our desired outcomes reduces our clarity necessary to make empowered choices during undesirable outcomes. Therefore, to believe in ourselves, we must choose to love ourselves without a reason. Embracing inner peace when our expectations aren’t met impacts our willingness to continue expending energy in a manner that benefits us.
Stop expecting love in return.
Our instant gratification culture impacts a person’s sustained ability to maintain a positive view of themselves. Wanting validation, praise and approval in return for our efforts ironically leads to playing small and not believing in our higher potential due a subsequent fear of not meeting those criteria. We may intuitively presume that having greater expectations for our efforts yields greater motivation. However, our expectations only define our dependency on external factors (beyond our control) in order to remain motivated. Therefore, one’s expectations represent all the reasons that will discourage a person from continuing to believe in themselves when those ideals are not met. Remaining attached to our unmet expectations unknowingly leads to simply lowering the threshold of what it takes feel validated, approved etc. In contrast, retaining inner peace amidst unfavorable outcomes enables us to learn and grow through circumstances without fear or concern about the perceived judgements or actions of others (family, friends, etc). The more that we expect others to contribute to our happiness, the harder it becomes to differentiate the between the hypothetical voices of their opinions and our own intuition. We must routinely react to discontent in a manner that prioritizes kindness and inner peace towards ourselves when it’s not given in return. Doing so, fosters the mindset that can identify and execute our best interest during larger set backs. Thus, reacting from the mindset and expectations of the ego increases the likelihood that we’ll stop believing ourselves when we cannot prove ourselves to others.
Be worthy of your good effort.
We often make the mistake of devoting a tremendous amount of energy to activities that appease or impress others but seldom expend a fraction of the same efforts in lifestyle choices that foster internal happiness. Perhaps, it’s because we assume that we are not getting anything in return from ourselves. When we are only motivated by expectations then we may perceive that our own personal joy/fulfillment is not as worthy of our persistent and committed effort. Such self neglect prevents us from cultivating passion and greater purpose. Valuing our own joy and fulfillment enables us to make empowered choices in the absence of validation from others. Pursuing greater purpose often entails investing tremendous effort in reclaiming neglected aspects of ourselves. We must value the internal rewards of our growth to feel worthy of our own sacrifice in the absense of external approval. For example, you may be an accountant but if you are unhappy with your life, then perhaps your soul seeks greater creative expression. Discovering this hidden passion entails expending persistent energy solely for your own fulfillment. I believe that many people do not believe in their highest human potential simply because we are conditioned to only ‘work hard’ for a specific result rather than striving to expand and enrich ourselves. This is akin to a car without fuel since we cannot manifest our desired outcomes without knowing how to act in alignment with our true happiness.
Life is a series of “each moment”, therefore the unmet expectations that justify not choosing inner peace in each occasion become the reasons that prevent us from believing in ourselves when our expectations aren’t met. Our goal is to give ourselves internally all the expectations that promote our inner peace so that we can confidently act with clarity when these ideals are lacking in our circumstances. This requires the courage to feel deserving of joy unconditionally such that we can remain resilient when our efforts don’t yield our desired outcomes. We must awaken to awareness that it is our own embodiment of unconditional love that frees us from the dependency on others and circumstances to feel worthy. If we always need a reason to choose kindness, then we’ll always need a reason to be happy and whatever constraints our happiness undermines believing in ourselves when those expectations are not met.
While contemplating the spiritual oneness of love, I always ponder the Divine source of love, God is incredibly ingenious and marvelous in ensuring that we can’t cheat the essence of love. We have to choose to embody love unconditionally in our choices to subsequently sustain the emotional qualities that enable us to love ourselves unconditionally. If a person selectively embodies kindness in their actions, then they will only be kind to themselves some of the time. And it is the relationship that we are having with ourselves that shapes our experience of happiness or suffering. We must love ourselves unconditionally to embrace our gifts and remain connected to our soul’s Divine intelligence for fulfilling our highest expression of purpose and abundance. Therefore, it’s impossible to cheat the divine oneness of love, which means we cannot be happy with ourselves without embodying love unconditionally in our choices. Without embodying love unconditionally, we do not nurture sufficient love for ourselves and remain in emotional suffering and self scarcity. I dare to imagine that our Creator hoped that all would recognize the perfect nature of love and use it to their personal advantage and the universal benefit would be sustained peace in the world. Nothing could be further from the truth as I still ponder why it took me until just last year to make the connection that all my prior discontented reactions undermined nurturing the qualities necessary to accept and love myself. Rather, diminished self love left me with a desperation for a love that was already mine and I simply needed to connect to through my choices. Like many, I wasn’t too concerned about my personal void of self love because I was determined to “find love” out there or accomplish something that would cure my internal sense of unworthiness.
There’s only one love.
It’s unfortunate that our innate nature of love becomes interrupted with the social conditioning that love is something that we need to get, must be given to us or can be lost. I believe that this is the reason why we become conditional with sharing love in the presumably “non important” interactions and subsequently lack the qualities to love ourselves and trust our boundaries in other relationships. We are ultimately only in a relationship with ourselves and every choice or reaction either enhances or diminishes the traits we need to remain in a loving relationship within ourselves. The moment of awakening is recognizing that our actions and reactions are always geared at us. We are either fighting (resisting) or loving only ourselves no matter who our choices are directed at. Our choices only impact others depending on how they choose to respond within themselves, with love or ego. Our ego may fool us to believe that we doing, proving, showing, being superior or even kind to others but there is no “other”, because our God is a genius and there’s only one love. Our accomplishments or romantic relationships will never make us happier if our lifestyle choices and actions do not enhance our capacity to love ourselves.
Love= Self Abundance.
Love is free! It is always ours and will never run out as long as we remain connected to it through our choices. But embodying the qualities of love selectively or conditionally in our interactions, thoughts and choices diminishes our ability to love ourselves and keeps us unhappy, fearful with little direction in life. Imagine for an example that a person gave someone a gift because they felt that the friend would enjoy it, would many of us expect the same gift back in return to be happy? Probably not, rather we’d likely be puzzled if they insisted on doing so as we could have bought it for ourselves if we so desired. Well love is the most valuable currency in the world and the same principle applies. When we share compassion, kindness, etc freely then we remain connected to our innate loving nature towards ourselves. This offers us the autonomy of not needing others to love us to be happy, giving us the confidence and independence to make choices that uphold our well-being and growth. But when we become conditional with love, then we will never have enough for ourselves and are desperately seeking it from others.
Choose love, because we can’t cheat our Creator’s perfect system of oneness. We must abandon all affinity to fear in order to love ourselves and awaken to the wisdom of our greatness. We are in the likeness of God’s love, therefore we cannot ‘presumably’ fear God because we will fear ourselves. If we fear ourselves then we do not trust ourselves and will fear everyone else. And it is the subconscious fear of others that deters much of humanity from growing into our potential. We must choose to be an embodiment of God’s love because this is our true nature and when we stop being true to ourselves, we suffer and remain unhappy.
If you are currently searching to discover your soul’s highest expression of purpose and abundance then it may be more useful to identify the broader lifestyle choices that are hindering your capacity to gain your desired clarity. If your laser focus on tapping into your gifts continually comes up empty handed then you may actually be missing the bigger details that primes our mindset for fulfilling our highest potential. Reflecting upon the times when I wasn’t connected to a deeper sense of life purpose, I can now discern the specific outlook that prevented me from being in alignment with my current passion for self development. Here are a couple universal components of fulfilling purpose that a person should first consider about their current lifestyle to determine if they possess the mindset that compliments manifesting their highest purpose and abundance.
Are you willing to connect deeply with others?
Service is the crux of living purposefully and it represents our innate human desire to connect with others while sharing our gifts. Service grows from the notion of mutuality and entails a desire to foster belonging by sharing the best aspect of our being with others unconditionally. Therefore, the best way to assess one’s readiness for a service mindset is to examine their willingness to create belonging and acceptance for others (strangers) in their routine interactions. And the best litmus for our propensity for connection is how one responds to other people’s egos since that is the part of our identity that intrinsically creates separation and estranges others. If a person’s default reaction is to be right, judge others or always insist on having their way then they haven’t yet adopted the desire to connect deeply with others, which is the underlying basis of sharing our gifts in a purposeful way. The desire to connect deeper with others is a key component of fulfilling greater purpose because it requires us to foremost love ourselves unconditionally. It’s through our own self acceptance that we no longer seek validation or worth through others and begin to see the humanity in others. Without having a service mindset, we still perceive that joy stems from what we expect to get from life, rather than what we can offer and share through our inspiration and creativity.
Are you ready to be yourself?
While the notion of “being yourself” is a popular message in our culture, it remains an ambiguous concept that I did not fully understand until rediscovering my authentic nature this year. Being yourself means to be and embody the qualities that one would expect of others or act as they wish to be treated. What we demand or desire from others represents the subconscious criteria of our sense of similarity and belonging with others. Therefore, our expectations of others actually represent our repressed authentic nature that we seek to experience through others. I believe that pivotal life events left us feeling unloved or unapproved by others as we embraced certain aspects of ourselves and our vulnerability resolved not to showcase our authenticity unconditionally. Denying ourselves the joy that stems from our authentic self leads to seeking those traits in others. Thus, being yourself is not expecting anything from another person in order to feel happy, which is the essence of self love. The self acceptance that results from not needing the approval of others (family, friends, etc.) frees us to fearlessly express our own unique gifts.
The common thread between both of these criteria for fulfilling greater purpose is the willingness to go first in choosing love in our interactions. Purpose is our soul’s highest expression of love that we want to share unconditionally. Therefore without releasing the expectations/limitations on when we express love in our interactions, we will feel separate from others, which creates a subconscious fear of being ourselves or of true service to others.